Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
