Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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