at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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