its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize