I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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