i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
