Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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