I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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