Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
