so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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