Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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