Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
