Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
