I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
