the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
