She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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