i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
