Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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