he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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