What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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