Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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