everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
