i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you inspire me to be a worse person
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize