A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
