Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
