Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize