went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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