i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry my hands just texted you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
