I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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