I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize