Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
