I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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