new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
