When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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