I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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