An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
