Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
