A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
