i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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