There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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