and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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