Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
