last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
