I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
