Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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