My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
