Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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