I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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