I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
