Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
