After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
