so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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