I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
