I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I deserve this hangover.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
