I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
