I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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