ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
