What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
