you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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