If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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