My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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