My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize