Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
