debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
