Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
