I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
