I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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