So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
