Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
