I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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