i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
