your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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