i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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