so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize