from now on my penis is your penis
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
