I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
