Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
