I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
