her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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