Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
