he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
