Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
