Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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