I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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