And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
