i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
