Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
