she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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