24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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