Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We're too hungover to prance.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
