I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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