I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
