My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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