Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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