I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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