apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
