but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
