this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize